Friday, September 22, 2006

Dolls for Boys

Whenever I'm in a Walmart or even a Walgreens, I check out the toy section, particularly the legos and the action figures. I hope that I'll find some new development in action figure-hood that'll blow my mind - newer, more accurate sculptures of characters or new figures for characters who've never had a figure before.

When I was in college they put out Star Trek movie action figures, featuring Captain Kirk in his Star Trek II-VII uniform and was so delighted I picked one up immediately - I'm a big Kirk fan. Star Wars is another franchise well treated by new figures - any fan has an embarrassment of action figure riches to choose from. I've come close to picking up a Wat Tambor, myself.

The selections at physical stores, though, are never wide enough, so I recently surfed Toys R Us' website. I must not be the only adult who's interested in action figures, for there are a number of the dolls out there which don't really seem to be for kids. I'm amazed at the wacky action figures I found.* For instance, there's now a line of action figures out there for the Rocky movies which includes:

Yes, there's now a side of beef action figure. I shouldn't be surprised, there are other meat-themed playthings. Toddler kitchen playsets are incomplete without a plastic steak. The realistic gore just targets a slightly older audience.

And, kids, what happens once one has eaten and digested meat?

Yes, it's a Mr. Hanky "action figure."** The show once made fun of the notion of having a Mr. Hanky action figure. Well, actually it was more of a Mr. Hanky/Mr. Potato Head hybrid, where one provided the shit oneself. But the premise is the same.

Also quite an odd choice for an action figure:

Johnny Cash, whose accessories must include a guitar and large quantities of plastic speed and booze. I quite like the little piece of grassy road which they include as a stand for the figure. I wonder if he has little pegs in his heels so that I can put him in the Death Star playset. My favorite part - the tiny hollow plastic drug desperate eyes.

By which I mean it's an excellent sculpt.***

**Inappropriate "use" of quotation marks!

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